Fihaki

I feel like there are two ways to live in this world.. resist all that happens around you and attempt to make it what you want.. or submit and let all that happens around you happen whether you want it to or not.. but which one is the one to choose.. they are both painful paths.. they cause pain and anguish for more than just you.. so how do you live.. do you resist and try to change the things around you to make yourself content..or do you submit and let the things around you change your life good or bad.. there must be a better way.. but the answer lies beyond my reach.. I can see it.. but I cannot grasp it just yet..

My mind tells me something is wrong.. I sit on my couch.. HE is there.. we're holding hands.. why.. we kiss we cuddle.. the things couples do.. no.. this isn't right my heart screams.. why is this happening.. get me away from HIM.. I scream but my mouth doesn't move.. no sound comes out.. I struggle to get away but I can't.. my body doesn't move.. but I get away.. the darkness is around me.. I see myself still with HIM.. I scream but there is no noise.. I cry but there are no tears.. I look down to her.. no me.. she's crying.. I am.. HE holds her.. not me.. I try to get away.. my legs kicking.. I cannot see them.. I scream and cry and kick..